Out of the Blue
by starwarsfreak95
Summary: A songfic set after Jacob becomes a werewolf but before Bella finds out. She is listening to music when she hears a song that perfectly understands how she feels...


**Author's note: I usually don't write anything other than Maximum Ride, but I heard this song and thought that I'd give Twilight a shot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Out of the Blue by Aly and A.J. (really good song. Listen as you read!)**

Out of the Blue

I couldn't believe it. My mind almost refused to accept it. I was on my way home, the rain pounding on the roof of my truck. I finally pulled off, though not too far from Billy's. I got out and stood on the edge of the cliff for a time, looking at the sea of clouds, then got back in the truck.

I sat for a minute, then started digging in my bag. The usually welcome silence was oppressive now. My hand grasped the item I sought- my seldom used ipod. I didn't usually listen to music anymore, too many bad memories. I shuffled the mix, then went to the games to play some solitaire.

Suddenly I stopped everything. The words of the song I was listening to surfaced from the white noise the music had become. I put my ipod in my pocket and listened, running my fingers through my damp hair. I felt sweaty, grimy, dirty. Grateful for the first time for my manual windows for the first time, I cranked the driver's side window open just a little. I let the rain fall on my face and hair, cleansing, caressing with gentle fingers. I took my ipod out, restarted the song, and sat back to let the inevitable surge of memories flow…

_When something's pure_

_How can people just say,_

_We're not meant to be_

"Bella I don't want you to come with me."

He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You…don't…want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz- hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

_And when something's pure_

_How can people just,_

_Keep me away from you?_

Billy had paid Jake $20 to come to FHS's prom. Just to warn me away from _him. _I still couldn't think his name. Jake coming to the prom was my first clue as to how he felt. I shouldn't have tried to be his friend. I went in too deep again and had the remaining bits of my world shattered. Billy didn't want me with _him, _my friends were wary of him, most people avoided him and his family. And as for Jake, I should've learned my lesson the first time.

_Suddenly, I'm all alone_

_Pushed away for nothing wrong_

Flashes of the forest next to my house as I futilely chased a shadow who didn't want me anyway.

_Don't you have the guts to say_

_How you feel about me?_

_Out of the blue_

_You said we couldn't be together_

It was a release to think his name. Edward. I felt the tears trickling down my face as I again relived his denial of my love.

_I had to get over you_

_I'm given no choice_

_I have no voice_

_Out of the blue_

Memories were surfacing from the past 4 months after Edward left. The tears every time I heard a song that reminded me of him. My friends and the pity I didn't want. I stopped answering the phone, and soon they stopped calling. I retreated into a silence; forbidden to remember, terrified to forget, it was a hard line to walk. Then there were the dreams. This exhausting combination turned me into the approximation of a zombie. Then Jacob came…

_Can't even call_

_On the telephone_

_don't even know_

_If you're at home_

I called him, and called him, and called him. Charlie was beginning to worry. Billy bought time with lies, and I called him, and called him, and called him.

_But to control_

_Just how to feel_

The lines that I had drawn so clearly after Edward left were blurred a lot with Jacob. He healed the wounds inflicted on my heart by Edward, but when his sunny personality was gone, the stitches reopened, and I was hurting again. This time it was worse because the stitches opened their own wounds, making it even more painful. Jake was the sun, healing the wounds left by the dark. When my sun imploded, I was all alone with wounds that nothing could heal.

_Between you and I_

_Not for one to steal_

I didn't want to change how Jake had felt about me- I wanted him to change me.

_Suddenly I'm all alone_

_Pushed away for nothing wrong_

I didn't understand why Jake was acting like this. Until now, he had shown every sign of loving me. Now it was like I had the plague. Or he did…

_Don't' you have_

_The guts to say_

_How you feel about me?_

He had told me before how he had felt. Maybe his feelings had changed. Ok, fine, but why didn't he just tell me?

_Out of the blue_

_You said we couldn't be together_

_I have to get over you_

The little bits of my world that, after 4 months, Jake had helped me recover, were scattered to the four winds.

_I'm given no choice_

_I have no voice_

_Out of the blue_

I'm never given a choice, my choices are always made for me. Edward, Jake, they never gave me time to say my piece.

_Just wanna hear what you've got to say_

I just want to shake them both until they tell me the real reason why. Though, in Edward's case at least, it won't do much good.

_Are you feeling the same_

'_cause I'm not ok_

I was the opposite of ok. I had been broken. Again.

_Thought when we met _

_There was something more_

Two pairs of black eyes stared at me from behind my closed lids. The first pair were angry, hungry, and a tiny bit incredulous. The second pair were warm and welcoming. Both had something strange hiding behind them, something I've never seen before.

_But the others said no_

_They shut the door_

I could see the faces of the people who objected to either one of them. Charlie, Mike, Jessica, Rosalie, Billy, and strangest of all, Sam Uley.

_Out of the blue_

_You said we couldn't be together_

_I have to get over you_

_I'm given no choice_

_I have no voice_

Flashes of memory from my time in Forks were presented for me to see. With Edward and Jacob, my life had been worthwhile. Without them I was an empty shell.

_Out of the blue_

_I knew we should've been together_

_Don't wanna get over you_

I didn't either. I loved them both. In different ways of course, but I did love them.

_When love makes a choice_

_It has a voice_

_Out of the blue_

As the words to the song drifted away, I took my ear buds out to break the spell. I put my ipod away and started my truck. As I pulled away, much too close for my liking, a wolf howled its brokenhearted song as a beautiful tribute to the pain inside me.


End file.
